It was 28 degrees (Fahrenheit) when I left the house this morning. 28 degrees! In the same week that:

• I got a sunburn on my scalp when I forgot to wear a hat
  
• It reached 84 on Sunday
  
• I turned off the heat in my house
  
• The dusty, musty aroma of pollen from the Bradford pear trees became pervasive
  

Is this reversal Old Man Winter's last gasp? Something to remember him by until next November? I'd like to think so, but I also recall the Blizzard of '93 happened in March. Of course I was living in Honolulu that year, but I heard about it secondhand. I don't want that to happen again. I want winter to be over!

My years in Hawaii made me less tolerant of winter than I already was. I think most people take a Calvinist view of the cold seasons: they believe it's a price we have to pay for spring and summer. A balancing of the equation.

But in Hawaii that equation doesn't apply. The coldest month is December, where at night it can get as low as 55 degrees.

So I know the awful secret: winter isn't necessary! And I resent it bitterly.

I'd like it noted for the record that in my previous entry I spelled "Khyrgyzstan" correctly without looking it up first.

Speaking of touching oneself, this morning I went to the men's room and sat down in a stall to do what one does in such places.

There was a man in the next stall over, and it was plain to me from what I was hearing (and not hearing) that he was using the stall for a purpose beyond its design.

I guess when you've got an urge you should satisfy it, but it boggles my mind that he would do that while there are other people in the room. Right next to him, in fact. Didn't he know? Did he even care? I was so embarrassed (for both of us) and uncomfortable that I began to hum loudly to cover the sounds he was making, and to stare ever more intently at my magazine. Mister, I come in here for a few minutes of peace and quiet, and you've utterly disrupted it. If it happens again I'm going to throw a roll of toilet paper over the wall.

I think it was "Camptown Races" that I hummed.

Profession: Network Engineer and frustrated writer/artist/director.

Height: Five feet seven.

Distinguishing marks: a tattoo on my right shoulder blade; a scar on the back of my head and a birthmark on my left thigh.

Allergies: penicillin.

A smell that makes you pause: swamp.

A taste that makes you melt: watermelon.

A hobby that occupies your time: hashing.

A city you'd like to visit: Rio de Janeiro.

A country you'd like to explore: Peru.

Your favorite meal: burritos.

A drink you order most often: water.


A delicious dessert: cheesecake.


A book you highly recommend: The Endurance.

The music you prefer while alone: swing.

A film you could watch over and over: Casablanca.

Your favorite time of the day: mornings just after waking up, when the day can still take any course.

Your favorite place to sit at home: in bed, with a cat next to me.

Your stuff:

You live in a(n): old bungalow.


Your transportation: 1996 Geo Tracker, 2002 Esarati electric motorcycle.

You approx. annual income: $52,000

When you sleep, you wear: a t-shirt and jockey shorts. Sometimes nothing, but usually I can't abide the free-ballin'.

Things you like to buy: love.

If you could afford it at this moment, you would buy: a clue.

You collect: comic books, glass scientific vessels, books, books, books.

Your strangest possession: a globe of Mars. No? Then how about my straitjacket?

Your most expensive possession: my house.

Your Morals

What would your reaction be if your spouse or partner cheated on you: More desperate sadness and confusion than anger.


Your religion and views of the world

Do you believe in God?: no.

What religion were you raised with: Disciples of Christ (basically liberal Baptists).

Death is: oblivion.

How you picture the end of the world: cold and barren. But humans will have moved on to other worlds by then.


Does life exist on other planets?: Almost certainly.

Have they made contact with us: Almost certainly not.

Do you believe we come from Adam and Eve: no.

Do you believe in astrology: no.

Do you read your horoscope: no.

Have you ever been treated by a psychotherapist: Yes.

If reincarnation does exist, you'd like to come back as: a girl.

Your opinions

The right to have an abortion: Yes.

The right to own guns: no.

The death penalty: opposed.

Legalization of drugs: marijuana and LSD. Not cocaine or heroin.

Equal rights for homosexuals: Yes.

The practice of premarital sex: I'll consider all reasonable offers.

The minimum punishment for those who molest children: don't punish, treat; anyone that sick in mind needs help.

The minimum punishment for those who rape: longer than Mke Tyson got, for sure.

You would fight in a war if: the opportunity had come up (I'm a veteran).

The environmental issue that concerns you most: Deforestation and habitat encroachment.

I got two DVDs yesterday: the movie Pi and the collected "Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit. This brings me up to, uh lessee:

American Movie
Casablanca
Creature Comforts
Excalibur
Five Easy Pieces
Front Page, The
Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit
Irma Vep
Memento
MST3K: The Beginning of the End
MST3K: Eegah
MST3K: The Brain That Wouldn't Die
MST3K: Wild Wild World of Batwoman
Pi
Wayne's World

...and the first season of Buffy will be on its way as soon as it's released in January.

Why am I collecting these things? I don't think I'll be watching them over and over, any more than I read books over and over.

I tell people (well, if they asked) it's so my kids can discover and watch them while they're growing up. Yes, even Excalibur, Irma Vep and the other clearly adult titles; I don't see the point of censorship in any form, really.

That would be a good reason, except for the thought, deeply-held if also deeply-buried, that in all likelihood I'll never have kids, because I'll never find a mother for them.

A downer, I know, but just to show how my head works, it's something I think about every single time I order another DVD.

In a spectacular waste of time, even for me, last night I tuned in to Surviving Gilligan's Island, which turned out to be a "Behind the Music"-type of show about the series, with more emphasis on the warm and fuzzy than on drug habits and divorces.

It was partly a documentary hosted by Dawn Wells (who still looks like a million bucks, no matter how old she must be by now), Bob Denver and Russell Johnson (who, put together, look like maybe a hundred bucks and some change (and when I say "some change" I don't even mean Sackies or State quarters), but also had actors playing the cast and Sherwood Schwartz in flashback scenes.

It was predictably lame, but also informative in places. Among the things I learned were:

1. Racquel Welch auditioned for the show: to play Mary Ann, not Ginger.

2. Carroll O'Connor auditioned for Skipper.

3. Dabney Coleman auditioned to be the Professor.

4. Charles Manson, who didn't really audition to be in the Monkees despite urban legend, also didn't audition to play Gilligan.

And another thing I'd already heard was verified: that Tina Louise was a raging bitch and preening prima donna. But that's fine, because most guys prefer Mary Ann anyway.

The Ginger/Mary Ann question was always a false dichotomy. Did you know Dawn Wells was a Miss Nevada in the early 60s? So, just because she wore a gingham dress and cutoffs as Mary Ann, it doesn't mean Mary Ann wouldn't look every bit as hot as Ginger in an evening dress. Pick Ginger and all you get is a sophisticated confection; pick Mary Ann and you get it all.

Not, of course, to take anything away from Mrs. Howell. I don't doubt she could give Thurston the Stanky like nobody's business, and that there was a nightly freakfest in their hut.