What do women want?

[terracinque]

I know this is an old question, but I still want it answered. Why do women claim that all they want is "a nice guy with a good sense of humor" when that's so clearly a lie?

Every woman who's ever dumped me told me, beforehand, what a great guy I was and how wonderfully different I was from the assholes they'd dated in the past.

I want answers, damnit. If I have to be an asshole so I don't grow old alone, I need to start learning as soon as possible.

Comments

[jarbabyj.livejournal.com]

A nice guy with a good sense of humor is only the beginning.

Then we want someone who isn't jealous of our time
Someone who is fun and adventurous and creative in all things
Someone who looks and acts good and they're proud to show off to their friends
Someone who gets along with their friends
Someone who plans dates without asking for input once in a while
Someone who buys flowers
Someone who shares their taste in movies.

Well, I mean, that's just one chick's perspective.

jar

[pukana-la.livejournal.com]

It's that whole, elusive "chemistry." It can't be described. I used to know a guy who fit all my criteria for what I want in a man...except I looked at him and felt...nothing (other than friendship). It bewildered me as much as it did him. That's the way love goes and that's why I'm going to be single forever.

You're...

[misseticket.livejournal.com]

Asking me? I am just as confused as you are about what I want. I can't even tell you turn ons and turn offs. :\

A Tale of Two Dates

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

I had two dates last week. Both were with nice guys with good senses of humor. One guy will forever be in the Friend Zone. I'm waiting for the other one to get back from Mardi Gras right now so I can jump his bones.

Both guys are very smart, very sensitive, funny, sweet, and a lot of fun. They are both average looking - there is nothing about one or the other that jumps out physically. But Friend Zone Guy never tried to touch me during the date. I think at one point he wanted to hold my hand, and at the end of the date he wanted to kiss me, but he was deliberating silently inside about it too long and lost his nerve both times. It's like if he betrayed any sign of animal attraction he thought I would run like a frightened rabbit or shatter like a vase. In order to appear the "nice guy", he had washed all the maleness off himself, keep his distance, try not to flirt too much, etc.

The other guy took my hand without any deliberation about it, after we'd spent maybe 1/2 hour together. When he wanted to kiss me, he did. He was courteous, funny, and a lot of fun to walk around with, but what made me attracted to him was the way that he kept letting me know in all these little body language ways that he was attracted to me physically. And the chemistry just unfolded. Some women might have freaked out at all the touching, but to me it told me that he'd be a very affectionate and passionate person to be more physical with. It told me that he liked me. I didn't have to guess his meaning and wonder if he was attracted to me. It was nice. More importantly, it was hot.

Every woman is different. There is no one way to behave. It's death to go in with any kind of plan and assume you know how it will work out. I don't know how you are with women - your description of romantic things you've done for your partners shows that you are very in tune with them, which is great. Your normal LJ picture tells me you are VERY goodlooking. You run. You are articulate. I don't know why it's not working out for you right now. But if when you meet women, you are chasing the ones that don't warm up to your maleness, or they are making you feel like you have to be the neutered "sensitive man" all the time, then something is off either with you or with them.

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the replies, ladies (especially yours, Jennifer). My question really was rhetorical, and was an attempt to exorcise some of my anger and bitterness (in a direction other than hers, because she really doesn't deserve it).

I'll be better. I know I'll find the woman I need. It's just really frustrating, since I thought I'd already found her...